Sunday, 5 October 2014

The real cost of relocation

It has now been almost 18 months since we moved across the country for the Mr's job.
He loves said job and the people he works with which means we have extended the contract and will be west for some time.
The kids are enjoying their new school and have met some nice kids but they all still miss their old friends.
They have all become involved in activities and sports giving them opportunities that they may never have experienced in Melbourne.

But all of this comes at a cost.
A cost that I struggle with the most.
A cost that breaks off little pieces of my heart and leaves me heavy with loneliness.
A cost that impacts differently on everyone in my house.
It is the people we leave behind.

Today a loved member of my family celebrated a little milestone with generations of family coming together to help her rejoice and tell her how wonderful she is.
But not me.
I sent messages and love technologically but couldn't get across those enormous, isolating 3420km that separate me from my extended family.
Not this time.
These beautiful people sent me photos of my aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters to make me feel like I was somehow included which shows you how beautiful they are.
I cried.
Whilst I loved the photographic connection, I didn't really feel closer to them or feel that I too, was sharing in their day.
I felt the isolation of each and every kilometre.
I felt the pain of not having them in our everyday life.
This is the real cost of relocating.

I know I am not alone as millions of people are in the same situation - many of whom are not even in the same country as their loved ones.
I know that I need to focus on the good things - both here and there.
I know that I need to be grateful for the fact that I can call/text/face time/Skype/post goodies to these people if I want to.
I know that I need to do some exercise to release some endorphins and get back on track.
I know that I need to make more of an effort to keep active and involved with people here in the west.
I know that misery helps no-one and a sad, grumpy Mum does not make for a good, happy family.
I know that we will save our pennies and all go back over east before the year is out.
I know that I need to put the "big girl-get over yourself" pants back on and just suck it up.

SO ...
I will boil the kettle, toast my wonderful Aunt with some earl grey, put on the imaginary "suck it up, grow up and be a big girl" pants and just get on with it.

Thanks for letting me vent.
I feel much better.

If you have relocated with your family how do you cope with being away from family and friends?

Enjoy your week
Jenny x


  1. This is the first time I've visited your blog Jenny and I'll definitely be popping back. I agree with you, there is a big cost that comes with relocation. My family moved to Australia from England when I was three and whilst I am so grateful for that, I am aware of the cost that we didn't get as much time with our family O/S. Thank goodness there are easier ways now to keep in touch. We have two daughters and who knows where they will end up when they are grown up.mwe've already warned them that they will need some space on the floor at least for our visits! Emily

  2. It's hard Jenny. We moved from Adelaide to Sydney when my kids were babies. All my family were here in South Australia. My then husband's family were in Sydney but they were really young, single and living a different sort of life to us. I missed quite a few family celebrations although I tried to fly back regularly and encouraged people to come visit me. The unexpected upside was that we lived there for 10 years and over those years, my ex's single siblings (four of them) all got engaged, married and even had a couple of babies. We wouldn't have been part of that if we hadn't lived there. x

  3. Hi dearest cousin Jen, I know exactly how you feel. I missed all your weddings, met all the extended cousins when they were school age, didn't dance to "we are family" at the milestone occasions - and I cried too. Every second year, mum would come for Xmas, the other year - I cried.
    Many of the people I knew up there always knew when I was missing something special, and made an effort to cheer me up - that's what friends do and I appreciated their support. They were terrific.
    I was away 22 years, and glad to be home amongst my family now but equally I had a lot of good times up North - especially when a family member came to visit - the difference was we spent a few days together rather than just a few hours - I loved it!
    Sweetheart, we miss you as much as you miss us but you have your own beautiful family that depends on you - there are a lot of adventures to be had, memories to create, friendships to build, put your beautiful smile on - tomorrow is a
    new day!
    Love to you all, Sue XXXXX

    1. Sue, thank you - I love you xxxx
      "We are family ..."

  4. It sure is tough when family is so important. Skype,etc, is fantastic but it doesn't replace a real life kiss and hug. It looks like you know all the right things to do but it is still hard. Some days are easier than others for sure. It is great that your own family is so settled and have fit in well. I am in the same boat as Emily as we too came out to Australia when I was four. I have always pined for extended family but mum and dad stayed here for a better life for us kids. It made our family even closer though.x

  5. I feel the pain & isolation of distance too. I love our life here & it's been a great move but almost 8 years on I still feel bad that I moved my kids away from their whole family. And I have times where I wish I had my family close by. It's hard.
    Much love Jenny xx

  6. Oh gosh I feel for you. I have seen some mandatory closures of offices I work at, and while the People are compensated, it's never quite enough for all they're giving up.
    I am glad you can blog for community though - despite it not being the same as friends and family close to you.

  7. I so feel for you! I moved away to a different country 20 years ago and have missed all my nephews and nieces, missed building family ties between my kids and their cousins... It is hard. There is never an easy solution - either way. It took me about 3 years to settle in a new neighborhood. Hang in there :-)

  8. Oh you poor sweetheart I do know how you feel. I have no family here but brothers and sisters only 5 hours away but still yet so far. Sometimes I miss them all so much. xxx Kindest thoughts to you xxxx


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